I Will Become A RAPPER! Dawg!


As you can see from my video, I am white, female and rather middle class. Therefore, I feel rapping is my natural career path.

Why? I’m glad you asked. This year, I was sick of people hinting passive aggressively that I was boring. And I was also bored of myself. University was supposed to be about experimentation! Drugs! Identity! Gender normative non deterministic clothes!

So I decided to experiment. I couldn’t afford drugs and, as a control freak, I have no interest in loosing myself, dude. Identity? Dear God, it took me this long to figure out who I was already. Don’t make me do it again!

Whilst I was wondering how I could experiment, I had a conversation with my friend that went something like this.

“Ugh. God, Pitbull’s music is so shit. I could make better music myself.” See, making mainstream music is like poetry. Every pretentious teenager thinks they can do it. So let’s see if I can.

The light had clicked. I would become a rapper.

I tell people that I’m going to become a rapper; people laugh until they cry. I think that’s good. At least I’m fulfilling the next goal on my list – become a stand-up comic.

And the reaction made me more inspired really. People are always saying: you’ll never do that. This is going to be the theme of a little project of mine. I’m going to take on jobs people think I can’t do. Then I’m going to film them, write about them, and chronicle my experience here.

Except skydiving. Because I would literally shit myself. And flying shit is not exactly what I’d like to contribute to the world.

Anyway, yes, rapping is the first thing on the list of challenges. I am going to make a rap song, and music video, and do rapperly things. And it will almost certainly end in my total humiliation. So I hope you guys stick around to see the decimation of self-respect. I’ll be entertaining in that sense, at least.


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